​Kristin Neff:

The Three Components of Self-Compassion 💖

 

Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, provides a clear, actionable framework that actively counters the intense self-criticism that often accompanies emotional pain.  She defines self-compassion as having three interconnected elements: Self-Kindness, Common Humanity, and Mindfulness. 

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1. The Essential Practice: The Self-Compassion Break

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​​This simple, three-step technique can be used in the midst of any difficult moment:

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• Mindfulness: Acknowledge the suffering.  Say to yourself: "This is a moment of suffering," or "This hurts."  This is simply noticing your pain without judgment or exaggeration.

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• Common Humanity: Put your pain into a larger context (normalize the experience).  Say to yourself: "Suffering is a part of life," or "I am not alone in feeling this way."  This reminds you that imperfection and difficulty are shared human experiences.

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• Self-Kindness: Offer yourself comfort.  Place a hand over your heart or on your cheek (a soothing gesture) and say: "May I be kind to myself," or "May I give myself the compassion I need."

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2. Treating Yourself as a Dear Friend

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This practice highlights the gap between the kindness you naturally offer others and the criticism you habitually give yourself.

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Practice: Think about a mistake you made or a feeling you are struggling with right now.

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• Imagine a close friend coming to you with the exact same mistake or struggle.  What would you say to them? What tone would you use?  What patient, encouraging, and understanding words would you offer them? ​

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• Now, turn that exact same kindness, patience, and encouraging language toward yourself.  You deserve the same kindness you so freely give.

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3. Supportive Touch (Self-Soothing)

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The body's nervous system responds directly to gentle, kind touch by releasing oxytocin, a calming hormone.  This can be a powerful antidote to emotional distress.

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Practice: When feeling stressed or overwhelmed, try a few moments of intentional, soothing physical touch.

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• Place one or both hands over your heart.

• Gently cup your own face in your hands.

• Give yourself a warm hug, perhaps rocking gently.

• Simply hold your own hand or gently stroke your arm.

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The goal is to physically experience the feeling of being cared for, signaling safety and comfort to your body and mind.

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"Self-compassion isn't contingent on success or failure, it's about honoring and accepting ourselves in every moment,

no matter what arises."

- Dr. Kristin Neff