Pema Chödrön:

Leaning Into the Groundlessness 🙏

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In her powerful book, "When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times," Pema Chödrön encourages us to do the very thing we instinctively avoid: lean into the discomfort.  Her core advice is to stop running from pain and instead become curious about it.  She teaches that the difficult emotions are our greatest teachers, offering us a path to wisdom and compassion.

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Core Practices from Pema Chödrön: Working With the Edge

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1. Drop the Story, Feel the Energy. 

 

A strong emotion comes with a story—the internal commentary, the justifications, and the reasons why you're upset. The "why" and "how" of the narrative is what keeps the emotion escalating.  

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• Practice: When a strong feeling arises (anger, jealousy, despair), try to drop the storyline.  Stop the mental movie.  Instead, focus entirely on the raw, pure energy of the emotion as a physical sensation in your body (tightness, heat, trembling).  The pure energy, without the story, is impermanent and will naturally burn itself out.

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2. Relax into Groundlessness. 

 

Our deepest anxiety comes from our desire for things to be solid, certain, and controllable.  When things fall apart, we lose that false security.

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• Practice: When you feel panicked or uncertain, remember that you are in a state of groundlessness—and that is the nature of life.  Instead of frantically searching for a new solid spot, simply relax into the not knowing.  This willingness to relax in the midst of chaos is the beginning of fearlessness.

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3. Practice Tonglen (Sending and Taking). 

 

Tonglen is a profound meditation practice for cultivating compassion by transforming suffering.  When you feel pain, it becomes a bridge to connect with others.

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Practice (Simplified): 

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• When you breathe in, breathe in the feeling of your own suffering (the tightness, the heaviness, the fear) and the suffering of all others who feel the same way.  See it as dark, hot, or heavy smoke.​

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• When you breathe out, breathe out relief, light, ease, and space for yourself and all those others.  See it as a cool, clear breeze.  This practice prevents the heart from hardening by transforming your personal pain into universal compassion.

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4. Be Kind (The Three Words). 

 

To summarize the path when intense feelings arise, Pema Chödrön offers three essential words:

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• Embodied: Drop into your body. Notice the physical sensations.

• Present: Bring your attention to where you are right now. Drop the past and future story.

• Kind: Be gentle toward yourself. Treat the feeling as you would a small, suffering child.​